Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
