I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
