i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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