if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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