Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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