Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
