I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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