so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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