I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
