Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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