Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Soap is not a condiment
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
