herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
