Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
