i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
