You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
