You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
