Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
