So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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