i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I smell like Dick and happiness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize