Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
