Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
