You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
