Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
