well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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