there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
