needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
