He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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