He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
