If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
