i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
