we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
