i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she told me i tasted like america
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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