For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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