Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
