I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
