Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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