It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
