I hate your face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
