that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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