I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
