hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
