Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
