I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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