I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We left the knife in your bed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
