I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
