I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
