i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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