Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
