Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
