dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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