I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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