DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
be right there i have to get my cape
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize