The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
