My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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