I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
