and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
