Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
