Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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