He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
