I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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