We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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