i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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