I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
