Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
