just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
