it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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