If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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